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Book Review: Location, Location, Damnation
Posted on 20/08/2024 15:53:11
Location, Location, Damnation by Nick Moseley
BR with the cool Urban Fantasy fans from FBR
Working as an estate agent in the town of Brackenford isn’t the hardest job in the world – just ask Trev Irwin. He knows the market inside out, house prices are steady, and the only competition in the office is Barry, who has all the wit and charm of a mouth ulcer.
But there are other forces at work in Brackenford besides the unquenchable desire of grannies to buy bungalows, as Trev discovers when he witnesses a shadowy entity possess a man in a local café. A man who goes straight home and murders his wife and her lover. With a cricket bat.
And here is where this story kicks off. A lifelong sceptic of the paranormal, Trev is trying his best to rationalise these events but cannot really bring himself to believe the "weird shit"! After all, he KNOWS telepathy doesn't exist because if it did he'd probably get slapped in the face several times a day. And everybody knows Ghosts DO NOT EXIST. Ghosts are things seen by substance abusers, attention seeking old ladies and the insane. And Trev knows he is not insane. Especially when he's standing in the middle of Brackenford High Street looking at his feet and muttering to himself because he had just seen "a bloody ghost"!!!
In case you haven't noticed from the few snippets above, our Trev is one of a kind! He is an undisputed misanthropic bloke who dishes insults like candies at Trick or Treat and is not in the least comfortable on the receiving end of a similar treatment. Even when he tries to be friendly, his own "friends" openly confess: "Trev, let's face it. With friends like you, who needs homicidal, axe-wielding maniacs?"
Trev has a unique way of pointing out faults: from a "blackened frying pan that had last been cleaned when Atlantis was still on the maps;" to a house decor that "looked like someone had dosed Pablo Picasso with LSD and let him loose with a wallpaper catalogue and a paint roller." And he doesn't shy away from stating his own shortcomings either! For instance his "golf swing that started to resemble a myopic lumberjack trying to fell a tree with a rubber chicken." Aaaaand he is the only Master of the Way of the Hedgehog I have ever met!
Nah!!! I'm not going to spoil it and tell you what that ancient fighting technique involves! You're gonna have to read this to find out. But I'll bet you won't be able to keep a straight face when you get to that part! :D
So our friendly bloke here discovers that his own grandfather is rather more than the curmudgeonly whisky-enthusiast he appears to be. The old man is also Brackenford’s Custodian, a role which requires him to keep the peace among the town’s supernatural residents, and he believes that Trev can help him. Of course Trev disagrees because: "No more weird shit please!"
But when he ends up inadvertently foiling an assassination attempt on Brackenford’s most famous resident, the slick supermarket tycoon Alastair Kolley, he finds that he’s upgraded his status from “potential collateral damage” to “target” in the eyes of the bad guys.
And when I say inadvertently I really mean like this:
What the hell are you doing? screamed the sensible part of his brain There's a supernatural maniac with a knife in front of you, and you're running after him! Have you forgotten that you're a pathological coward? RUN AWAY YOU IDIOT!
Now that the deed is done and Trev's status has risen, he must come to terms with his legacy of latent psychic abilities and work alongside his grandfather and his trusted assistants to find out who the bad guys really are. - In case you were wondering, the trusted assistants are a puritanical Victorian ghost, and the world’s most sarcastic talking cat.
Together they have to brave ghouls who live in the sewers and speak in tabloid (I swear they are the most original race I have ever read about! :D), a werewolf self-help group that meets in the church hall and a local lord of the manor, who looks pretty sprightly for a man who’s over 150 years old. But they have help too, from a pair of talking swords!! You read that right. A pair!
And if one only gets pissed at being called a talking sword: "I'm a lot more than just a sword you cheeky wee bastard!" you'll have to watch out for the other, cause the "lass is a bit on the feisty side."
Meet Tyrfing everyone:
and Caladbolg
Caladbolg 3017 - AQW Wiki
Peppered with cheeky dialogue and sarky remarks, this book will take you on a fun filled and at times downright hilarious adventure. The pacing does drag a bit in the first half of the book and Trev's behavior and remarks did make me want to call him an eedjit and box his ears at one point or another so I'm not rating it a five. But the second half of the book picked up the pace like a charm and Trev turned out to not be that bad in the end. Well, still a bloke, but really not that bad!
Before you start telling me what Trev tells his companions: "Right, let's get on with it before I see sense and run away." :)) ....
If you're in a mood for a great read that makes you laugh out loud, gives you action and awesome paranormal stuff - YOU HAVE GOT TO TRY THIS OUT!
I for one am now looking forward to the rest of the series!
Check out this book and more of Nick Moseley here
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